My heart longs for that.

I found out that my cousin is pregnant, that means that I am the only girl left in the family that is still not a mom. This really bothers the family because I have been married the longest. I am supper happy for my cousin and a little sad that its not me. See, I really would love to be a mom but we are not ready yet. Well, I think its more my husband isn't ready yet. And as we are one WE are not ready yet. I don't want to push to make him want children that is really something you can not come back from. Once you have children that it you can never give them back.

I say all of this but my heart wants to feel a child growing inside me. I want to wipe away the tears and read bedtime stories. I want to hear a child call me Momma. My heart longs for that.

Someday I will. I hold close to that. I just hope that by the time we get ready my body will not be to old to have children. I know there are others out there who are trying and they have not been able to have children. I know that the hurt that they have must be really hard. I do not know why God made women to want children so bad. I wish that some part of me did not long for that. I have children to play with and for now that is just fine by me.