Mothers Day

First I am not a mother and the more people in my life like to tell me to have children does not mean that I will or that my body will even let me have children.

With that being said yesterday (Mother's Day) was a really hard day for me. I am not a mom though I would love to be one. I know that my body will someday have children but for now it is unwilling. Not only that but, my husband and I arn't really trying its more like we are letting God do as he wants. We have been this way for only 6 months. In that 6 months I found out that PCOS and am now on meds. to fix that. This makes having children harder. I am not on the meds to have children I am on the meds so that when I am older other problems do not arrive.

Now yesterday everywhere I went people wanted me to have children so that I could celebrate mother's day as well. Not only that but the church honored me as well as the moms because they wanted it to be a hint. I did not feel honored I felt like a fake like someone who is really just a waste of space in a female body. All I really wanted to do was craw into a hole and cry. I know that I am me and God has a path for me and a reason why I have PCOS but I cannot change that. I can only learn from it and share my story. I know that the church was just kidding and being nice I mean after all I really haven't gone into detail of whats going on with everyone in the church. But, all it really did was make me want to scream "Do you people know that I may not have children for a long time." I am holding on to the promise that God gave of a son. I know that he gives you the desires of you heart and all that but he also gave me vision of my son. I do not know when I will be able to have children. But I know that I will have one. A little boy with my husbands hair and my mothers eyes. God let me see him in a dream before all this started with my body.

I have to tell all of you well meaning people out there...If a couple you know has been married for a while and does not have children don't push them. Don't hint at them and don't make them feel as if they are less in your family or group of friends because they do not have children. It may not be by there choice. They may be holding on to God and the faith they have in him to provide. I know that you never really know what is going on behind a closed door. You may find that there is more to there story.