I found out that my cousin is pregnant, that means that I am the only girl left in the family that is still not a mom. This really bothers the family because I have been married the longest. I am supper happy for my cousin and a little sad that its not me. See, I really would love to be a mom but we are not ready yet. Well, I think its more my husband isn't ready yet. And as we are one WE are not ready yet. I don't want to push to make him want children that is really something you can not come back from. Once you have children that it you can never give them back.
I say all of this but my heart wants to feel a child growing inside me. I want to wipe away the tears and read bedtime stories. I want to hear a child call me Momma. My heart longs for that.
Someday I will. I hold close to that. I just hope that by the time we get ready my body will not be to old to have children. I know there are others out there who are trying and they have not been able to have children. I know that the hurt that they have must be really hard. I do not know why God made women to want children so bad. I wish that some part of me did not long for that. I have children to play with and for now that is just fine by me.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Monday, February 22, 2010
WITH ALL MASKS REMOVED
I have created this blog to share some of the things that happen in my life and my true feelings for them. I have chosen to keep my name out of this blog so that I am able to be honest about my life and all things in it. WITH ALL MASKS REMOVED.
I have been married for a few years now. (More than 5 less than 20). I have no children but someday hope and pray that God blesses me with some. I come from a family were there was me and my brother and much later in my life a sister. My family and I are close but as an adult I have found that what I though was a close family isn't always the case. We (my family and I) really don't keep secrets or have a lot of hidden things in the closet.
I married a wonderful Godly mad who I love with all my heart. There are times that he makes me crazy but I would not change him for all the world. He is my other half. I need him to make my life whole. We were high school sweethearts and have a very happy life together. (It is not perfect but wonderful.)
Most of my really good friends also happen to be family. My husbands family has many people my age in it so we are really close. Thats also sometimes a huge challenge. I have no friends that I can talk to about all the things that really matter to me. There are no secrets in the family so if one knows they all know. I'm sure that many people have families like that. That is the main reason for this blog I need to talk and tell my story. I need to be honest and say how I feel without looking over my shoulder to see if my words are hurting someone.
So all masks off. This is my side and my feelings. I am not here to spend my time complaining about family or anything like that I just want to tell my story without holding back or trying to be diplomatic or strong.
I have been married for a few years now. (More than 5 less than 20). I have no children but someday hope and pray that God blesses me with some. I come from a family were there was me and my brother and much later in my life a sister. My family and I are close but as an adult I have found that what I though was a close family isn't always the case. We (my family and I) really don't keep secrets or have a lot of hidden things in the closet.
I married a wonderful Godly mad who I love with all my heart. There are times that he makes me crazy but I would not change him for all the world. He is my other half. I need him to make my life whole. We were high school sweethearts and have a very happy life together. (It is not perfect but wonderful.)
Most of my really good friends also happen to be family. My husbands family has many people my age in it so we are really close. Thats also sometimes a huge challenge. I have no friends that I can talk to about all the things that really matter to me. There are no secrets in the family so if one knows they all know. I'm sure that many people have families like that. That is the main reason for this blog I need to talk and tell my story. I need to be honest and say how I feel without looking over my shoulder to see if my words are hurting someone.
So all masks off. This is my side and my feelings. I am not here to spend my time complaining about family or anything like that I just want to tell my story without holding back or trying to be diplomatic or strong.
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